Checkout Line Courteouslessness
The Holidays are again upon us, and with them comes an extraordinary number
of shopping trips. I hate shopping… I will go to stores to "buy" or "hunt" for things but "shopping" infers "gathering".
(Looking around for things and picking them out.) In the Hunter/Gatherer scheme of things "shopping" would be a "womans work".
The only stores to qualify for a true "hunt" would be yer "Hardware Stores" and yer "Electronic Stores". Men will venture
into the prairie lands of the department stores during the Holidays because they have to get things for their loved ones,
and God forbid if we actually have to "shop". Let’s say a man is getting his wife a robe for a gift, maybe because her
robe is worn and some of the not so good parts are hangin’ out. (If the good parts were hanging out… No robe.)
This man will "hunt" for a robe. He will "hunt" for a likely store (preferably the nearest one) then "hunt" for the robe section
of the store, next he will "take" the first robe he runs across that looks about her size. See, a man knows that he could
spend hours "hunting" through all the robe sections of all of the robe stores to "take" just the perfect robe in the perfect
robe size and the perfect robe color with the perfect robe brand name and his wife will be back 2 weeks after Christmas exchanging it for another robe.
Once the man has secured the robe he will come to the reason that I wrote
this "Mindy Note"… The checkout line.
I have been going through checkout lines for years. Why then haven’t
I mastered them yet? Seems simple enough. (1)Pick a line. (2) Stand there ‘till it’s your turn. (3) Pay…
I know it’s not just my fault. The stores themselves, other people, and technology all conspire in this conspiracy against
me.
(1)Pick a line: I have never been good at this. Its sorta like the lottery…
I can’t win. I know…The idea here would appear to be, choose the shortest line. How much easier can this get?
RIGHT?… Well, there are several things to consider. Some stores have started staggering the lines. I don’t know
if this is for aesthetics, if it is to conserve space, or if it was all just part of the conspiracy to confuse ME?
Next thing to consider is the people in the line and what they have in
their cart. If you see someone in a line with his or her cart stacked so high with crap that it looks like it needs a beacon,
and this cart is being pushed by one a them people riding the "store scooters" I normally try to avoid that line.
Last thing to consider here is the checker…Observe if the checker
is old and feeble, young and inexperienced, or just the right age to speed people through?
Recently I have been trying to take stock of all of this, then I promptly
go and stand in the WRONG DAMN line.
(2) Stand there ‘till it’s your turn: WOW! Talk about something
I’m not good at. BORING! Sometimes I’ll choose a person in another line who arrived at about the same time I did,
in order to gauge my "lane choice" for this race to the exit, only to watch them skitter
past the "Finish Line" while I’m two people behind some lady who tried to pay for liquor with a "Link Card" and is now
fishing through the very bottom of her purse. Down into the nooks and crannies, for enough Quarters, Nickels, Dimes, and Penneys
to pay for that bottle of Crown Royal.
(3) Pay: It would seem these days that using "The Card" is the most efficient
way through the checkout. Some people still write out checks and wait until the checkers have finished before filling in all
of the blanks. Exact change people are nearly as bad.
"The Card"… Now that’s the way to go… Debit, Credit,
or Link. Just slide it through and on your way… WhoaWhoaWhoa… Wait a minute. We got technology to deal with, here,
before you leave. Ya know that little "keypad/card slidey" thing … There should be a federal law that all such "keypad/card
slidey" things are to be set up exactly the same. Variations would be a capitol offence. I understand that there are patent
infringements to consider here, but why do some of these things have to be arranged so assinine. Some"keypad/card slidey"
things have the "1" on the bottom left like a calculator while others have the "1" on the upper left similar to a telephone.
The other buttons on the "keypad/card slidey" thing are varied even more drastically in their functions and placements. Most
of them have an "Enter" button directly to the lower right of the numbers. But don’t get to comfortable with this configuration
because there are some of these "keypad/card slidey" things (CVS is one) that have the "Cancel" button ingeniously placed
where the "Enter" button is on most others. You think you’re mashin’ "Enter" when in actuality you are pressing
"Start All Over Agian". Once you have your "pen number" successfully entered into the "keypad/card slidey" thing you’re
through at last… WhoaWhoaWhoa… Wait a minute. The damn gizmo starts asking YOU questions. Do you want cash back?
Is this the correct amount? Both valid but time consuming questions if you don’t have your glasses and are trying to
guess the correct buttons to push in this keyboard "Russian Roulet" before you hit the "Start All
Over Again" button.
